I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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