I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
