Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
