She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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