one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
