Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
