im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
