You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
