take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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