I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
