it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
