I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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