did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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