dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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