i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
