I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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