We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
