so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
