I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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