I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
