last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
