did you get engaged???
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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