oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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