Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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