quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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