your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
