shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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