I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
