I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
