I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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