You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
