Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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