I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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