dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
