He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
