that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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