Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
