mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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