That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
