I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
