Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
