So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
