I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize