i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
