apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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