Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
