he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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