i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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