Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
