I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
