dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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