She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize