in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
