Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
