how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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