so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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