i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
