He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize