hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
