it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
