i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
