The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
