if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
