i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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