I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And then he peed in my hair
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