OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize