new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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