she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Enjoy the penises
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize