O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
